SARKA VANCUROVA
photo reporter, portrait photographer
Invisible pain of gun violence
essay
Stories of mothers dealing with the loss of
their child due to gun violence….
In the memory of Syncere, his picture is stitched on the carpet made in the honour of gun violence victims by artist Sidney Brodie. Forest Hill Park, Durham, 2024
When the bullets hit the city of Durham, none of us can imagine what terrifying consequences the deadly gun can cause to lives of mothers when their child is shot dead. In one second, all the sudden, life becomes worthless, uselessly gone. First thing that come to our mind is…was my child involved in the gang? Is there something
I didn’t know about my child? In that moment, gun death is just so hard to be believed, to be understood .
It seems the human life that we built was for nothing.
Death from the gunfire is always the one that comes when we least expect it.
As a mother living in Durham, you can just hope that when you say goodbye to your children, you will be able to find them back safely the same day again. It is hard to think in this way, but for many mothers that is the reality
they cope with on daily basis.
There is more to it than just grief. It is a grief that doesn’t go away, it follows with life, and it eventually turns into
an anger, revenge, and unbearable weight of being.
In the moment of the shot, no one is concerned of the fact what life these women will have to lead, or how much pain they will have to undergo. As a mother and a photo reporter dealing with my fear of the gun and bullets,
I went to meet strong mothers to talk about how to deal with the loss of their child in the gun shot and how did they deal with this fact further on.
Lavern, mother of Syncere, in her living room where she keeps a big portrait of her son. She says Syncere’s death It pushes you to do the things you would never thought to do.
1. Story of Lavern Burrel
Lavern, mum a Syncere Kalif Burrel, keeps track of her child’s investigations each day, and what she always hears is same answer. Inspectors have found nothing to this day, working on the case for 4 long years.
Her youngest son Syncere Kalif Burrel was shot near by his house, one month after his 18th birthday on August 10th, 2020. On that day, in the time of Covid, lot of violence took place. three murders happened in Durham and none of them have been solved to this day.
Police labelled the murder of her son as a gang violence motivated, but Lavern doesn’t think that was the case. Through autopsy she found out that Syncere was shot five times with two different guns.
When she heard that her son was dead her world had crumpled at that moment. They were living in a very quiet neighborhood with no violence history. “ I never thought I would ever lose somebody that you give birth to. “she explains, How am I going to prepare myself to carry on?” was her question to herself when she heard what happened .
Lavern, who has seven children, holds a picture of her son and daughter while she explains that the gun is a personal murder, when someone takes a life, it is a planned sense of hate. Durham, August 2024.
She thinks that the gun is a personal murder, when someone takes your life it is planned, it is personal, sense of hate.
She describes Syncere as a funny child, a friend with everybody, he always thought of others, a giver, always cracking jokes. Syncere was born with cataracts, and since then she tried always o be protective over him from
the outside world.
In that time of his death, she recalls, she was walking for hours in her house, crying, asking God to help. ‘ I knew God would be the only one who could have helped her.’ , she says. After his death, she started to receive counseling through the school where she was enrolled, in NCC State, in family and consumer science with concentration on child development relations. Staying busy is something that help her to deal with the grief.
She was seeking therapy, taking part in grief circles, finding different organisations that help people that went through the same thing.
One of her daughters started to have drinking problems, and her mother went through anxiety.
‘It ruined the relation between me and my husband, it ruined our family,” she mentions.
It also took her 6 months to get fully back to her work in childcare. That day at 4pm to 6pm change my life forever and then I tried to grasp what finally happen.
“I don’t know what to do anymore to keep my child with me”, she states holding a pillow with her son's picture.
She also adopted one highway in Durham in the Memory of Syncere Kalif Burrell. Durham, August 2024
Now, she is asking lots of questions about her son. How would he look like now in his 22 years? When is our turn coming to know who killed my son?
She also keeps a calendar where she writes every day how many days it has been since his murder happened, and how many days it has been since the case hasn’t been solved.
After Syncere’s death, Lavern started being involved in school as a school co-driver, being mentor for childcare services, pre-K teacher, member of ‘Mums demand action’. She continues to study Birth to kindergarten second degree. “His death would have me do things that you would never think you could do. It made me completely new person”., she emphasizes.
Syncere Kalif Burrell, alias "Macho" for his friends, having a small grave on the Breechwood Cementary in Durham. Every year on his birthday, Lavern is decorating his grave with balloons and flowers.
Durham, August 2024
In Syncere’s honor, in 2021, SKB movement was born. Its mission is to organise bookbag give away in every park in Durham… Lavern knew that August 10 will be forever a hard date for her, so she needed to turn that day to something positive she states.…
Lavern tries to encourage all the mums to stay strong, discover their talents, get busy and keep your child’s memory alive.
Photos of Syncere are nicely placed on the table during “The Bookbag Give Away Memorial “ on August 10. Lavern organizes this event each year in the Forest Hill Park in Durham. She comments on the event, “It might not even mean nothing to someone’s else, but it matters a lot to me to give back. It helps me with my sanity to do all the things”.
“ My thing is to go shopping; I feel like when I give back to the community then I am still taking care of him in a sense, because I always love to buy and take care of him. He loved the bookbag’ she adds.
Lavern would like to see a change the legislation for the guns. “They advertise it like it is a candy”, she explains. She also never believed in the use of the gun. People sometimes think that we need it for protection, but how can you protect yourself from something that you don’t even know from where it is coming? she asks herself…
She would like to see a change where guns would be less accessible to the children.
Memorial side of Syncere’s murder in Durham. Lavern used to go to his memorial site every day to put out candles until she got comfortable of not doing in anymore. Durham, August 2024.